You get to be their parent. We can help with the coaching.

As an educator, I’ve spent years helping students understand what gets in the way of planning, starting and following through. As a parent, I know how different it feels when it is your own child. You see the missed work. You know their potential. You worry about what happens next. And you want to step in—again. But by the time students reach their teens, many have heard “Did you finish your homework?” so often that they’ve stopped hearing the care underneath it. You ask because you are worried. They hear another reminder. Before long, you’re both exhausted, and schoolwork is taking up more space in your relationship than either of you wants.

This is one reason we built P.A.V.E. I don’t believe parents need to try harder at reminding their children. Sometimes the student needs a person who isn’t carrying years of household homework conversations into the room. A coach can ask what the student wants to work on, help them notice patterns and practice a system they chose. That is different from taking over. It gives the student a place to speak honestly and begin owning the plan.

You know your child in a way no coach ever will. You bring love, history, expectations and the steady support that continues long after a 30-minute session ends. The coach brings a dedicated space for developing skills; the student brings their own goals and ideas. Educators, clinicians and other professionals remain important when their expertise is needed. Clear roles can make life a little easier for everyone.

One thing I care about in coaching is helping a student say, in their own words: “Here’s what I want to work on. Here’s where I got stuck. Here’s what I’m going to try next.” That’s very different from an adult handing over a list. If a student can explain their plan—even imperfectly—they’re starting to make it theirs.

I hope parents get to ask more questions that aren’t about assignments. I hope students get practice saying, “Here’s what I’m trying,” instead of waiting for an adult to give them a list. Progress is not always quick, and no coach can promise it. But changing the shape of the conversation—so parents can spend more time being parents and students can practice growing into independence—is worth working toward.

Not every tense homework conversation means a family needs to hire a coach. Sometimes expectations need to be clearer, a school resource needs to be used, or a family conversation needs to happen outside a stressful moment. When health or emotional concerns are involved, a qualified professional may be essential. Coaching is one possible kind of support, not the answer to everything.

Harvard describes the role of adults in providing scaffolding and gradually stepping back as young people build their own skills. That supports a student-owned approach; it does not show that hiring a private coach is necessary or that coaching always reduces family conflict.

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1. Harvard Center on the Developing Child, "InBrief: Executive Function." https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/inbriefs/inbrief-executive-function/(opens in a new tab)